I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
