So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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