im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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