I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
