You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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