I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
