hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
