are you still at the devil's house?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
