Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
