So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
