You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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