can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
