I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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