Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
