I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
