none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
