i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
