Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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