He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
