I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
