I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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