Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
