Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
