this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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