I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
