I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
