To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
