If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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