I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
