New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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