i can't believe i had my finger in that
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
