But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
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