She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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