puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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