and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
