I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
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I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
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She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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