I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
3 2 1 whiskey
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
