PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
