considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
