Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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