shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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