My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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