this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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