please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this will be a night to untag.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
