I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
