how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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