Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
