this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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