Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
