I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ketchup is God's man juice
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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