I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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