IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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