watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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