She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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