This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
