sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
