I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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