Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
