I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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