i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
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How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
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We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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