Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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