He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
