Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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