Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
