I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
