3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
